When you're learning something new, finding the right coach can feel like finding a treasure. But what’s the real secret to a great coaching experience? Sure, knowledge and skill are key, but there's one thing that really stands out for me (and many others): feeling heard. When a coach truly listens to you, everything changes. You feel understood, supported, and inspired to push yourself further. So, how do you pick a coach who makes you feel like your voice matters? Let’s dive into some of the traits that make a coach truly great and how feeling heard can make all the difference in your progress.
1. Patience and Understanding: The Gift of Time
Have you ever been in a lesson, feeling completely stuck, and thought, "I just can't get this"? That frustration is real. And it’s moments like these that show the importance of a coach’s patience. A great coach doesn’t rush you—they listen to your frustrations and give you the time you need to process. When I first started learning to canter, I felt awkward and nervous. I remember a lesson where I just couldn't get it right, and I felt embarrassed. But my coach didn’t make me feel bad about it. She gently reassured me, listened to where I was getting stuck, and worked through it with me, step by step. By the end of that session, I didn’t just understand the technique better—I felt heard, and that made all the difference.
Why it matters: Feeling heard when you're struggling builds trust. You’re not afraid to mess up, because you know your coach will help you through it without judgment or frustration.
2. Clear Communication: Explaining, Not Just Telling
Have you ever been in a lesson where your coach is giving instructions, but you’re still left thinking, "Wait, what?" Clear communication is so important, but it’s not just about the words—they need to be words that resonate with you. A coach who listens to your challenges and adapts their explanation to match your learning style is gold. I remember once struggling with a specific jump, and instead of just saying, “Do it this way,” my coach asked me, “How do you feel about this jump? What feels off to you?” She listened to my thoughts, then adjusted her instructions based on what I said. Suddenly, the advice made so much more sense, and I felt much more confident tackling the jump.
Why it matters: Feeling heard in communication means you don’t just follow instructions blindly—you understand them. It builds a stronger connection with your coach and makes you more likely to succeed.
3. Adaptability: One Size Doesn't Fit All
Every rider (or learner in any field) is different, and a great coach knows that. It’s not about giving the same lesson to everyone in the class—it’s about tuning in and adjusting to you. When I was training for my first competition, I felt nervous and unsure of my skills. Instead of pushing me into intense drills, my coach listened to my concerns and tailored our lessons to help me build confidence gradually. She started with smaller challenges, each one feeling like a small win. When I felt ready, we worked on tougher skills, but it never felt too much at once.
Why it matters: A coach who truly listens will adjust their approach to fit you. You’ll never feel like you’re being forced into something you’re not ready for, and you’ll progress at your own pace.
4. Encouragement and Support: Building Confidence, Not Pressure
Think about the last time you felt supported by someone—a moment when they believed in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself. That’s what a great coach does. They encourage you when you’re down, celebrate your victories (even the small ones), and help you see your potential when you're too close to the problem to notice it yourself. I’ll never forget the time I was terrified of jumping a certain height, and my coach could see how much it scared me. Instead of pushing me to jump right away, she spent the lesson working on my technique, helping me feel stronger and more confident with each attempt. She didn’t just push me to "do better"—she listened, reassured me, and built me up.
Why it matters: Feeling heard means you're more likely to feel supported. When a coach encourages you, rather than putting pressure on you, you're empowered to take on challenges with confidence.
5. Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: Knowing How You Feel
A great coach doesn’t just listen to what you say—they feel what you're going through. Whether it’s frustration, fear, or excitement, an empathetic coach can read your emotions and respond in a way that helps you move forward. I remember one lesson where I was feeling overwhelmed, and my coach noticed right away. She didn’t push me harder—she paused, looked me in the eye, and said, "It’s okay to feel this way. Let’s slow down, and we’ll work through it together." She knew exactly what I needed in that moment: a break and some reassurance.
Why it matters: When you feel heard emotionally, it helps you stay mentally engaged and open to learning. A coach who understands where you’re at emotionally can make you feel comfortable pushing through discomfort.
6. Feedback That Resonates: Constructive, Not Critical
Feedback is an essential part of learning, but it’s how it’s delivered that makes the biggest impact. A great coach listens to your experience and gives you feedback that is both constructive and specific. I used to feel really discouraged after receiving vague feedback like, “Just try harder.” It wasn’t until my coach started giving me actionable advice, tailored to what I was going through, that I really began to improve. After struggling with a specific technique, she would ask, "What felt wrong to you in that moment?" Then, together, we'd break it down, and her feedback became something I could actively work on.
Why it matters: Feeling heard in feedback helps you understand exactly how to improve. You’re not left second-guessing what to work on—you have clear steps to take, and you feel confident that your coach understands where you're coming from.
7. Accountability with Compassion: Pushing Without Pressure
A great coach knows when to push you to do better—but they also know when to show you some grace. Accountability is important, but it doesn’t have to come with harshness. I remember a time when I missed a few lessons and was feeling behind in my training. My coach didn’t scold me or make me feel guilty—she simply acknowledged where I was at and set realistic goals to get me back on track. It wasn’t about pushing harder—it was about pushing smartly, and listening to my needs as I got back into the rhythm.
Why it matters: When your coach listens to your struggles and holds you accountable with compassion, you feel motivated without the pressure of perfection. It’s easier to take ownership of your progress when you feel understood.
8. Safety and Comfort: The Foundation of Trust
Finally, a coach who listens to your concerns about safety—whether it's your physical comfort or mental readiness—helps you feel secure. I’ll always remember a lesson where I was nervous about a new technique and expressed my fear. My coach listened, assured me, and adjusted the lesson so I could approach the challenge safely. Knowing that she was attentive to my feelings made me trust her more and helped me feel more comfortable pushing myself when I was ready.
Why it matters: Feeling heard in moments of doubt or fear builds trust. You can take risks and push yourself, knowing your coach has your back and cares about your well-being.
How to Choose a Coach Who Makes You Feel Heard
Now that you know what makes a coach great, how do you choose the right one? Here are a few tips:
Observe their interactions with other students. Do they listen actively? Do students seem engaged and understood?
Have an open conversation about your goals and concerns. A coach who listens closely to your needs will adjust their approach accordingly.
Pay attention to how you feel after a lesson. Do you feel encouraged, understood, and confident in your next steps?
Ask for feedback—and listen to how it’s delivered. Constructive feedback should make you feel motivated, not discouraged.
Final Thoughts
Choosing the right coach is about more than just skills or experience—it’s about feeling truly heard. When a coach listens to you, tailors their approach to your needs, and supports you through every step of your journey, learning becomes a much richer and more rewarding experience. So, take your time to find a coach who makes you feel seen, understood, and empowered to be the best version of yourself. Because when you feel heard, there's no limit to what you can achieve!
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